Showing posts from June, 2021

I dipped my feet in the holy Ganges - and let a part of you go away - for you were my only sin

I've walked on the eggshells for a decade. I have been choked so hard that I have collapsed many times, but not hard enough to kill me once and for all. At this point, I wish it happened. I wish I was dead rather than bearing the seething pain of not living a normal life. Life has taken my ability to form any relationship. Today, I let you go away. Barely a couple of months after tasting the real happiness. You know we are all fragile. Most of us should be handled with care. However, some like me warrant special treatment. Like a war-savaged artwork, people like me should be admired and loved from far away. We are too fragile to be held in arms. We tend to collapse. Then the saddest part is people who hold us are blamed to break us. Little do they know, we are a lost cause from the very beginning. We are unrepairable and unworthy of love. After saying the last goodbye, I went to my happy place. I filled the bathtub. I sat in it. I couldn't picture us in the bathtub listening to

You are the sukoon I've been longing for all my life

You don't evoke poetry in me. You don't give me the highs the wild lover inside of me crave. You do nothing to unleash the dirty side of a woman in bed. And yet every morning I desire no one else by my side but you. Every morning I think of your gentle words. They fall on the curves of my body and caress my parched soul. My half-opened eyes search for you in my empty bedroom. Maybe if I close them one more time with total devotion you will miraculously appear. And you will kiss me gently on my cheek. I will live a million lives in that single moment when your lips will touch the right cheek - I often think. I look at my phone and think of calling you. Perhaps one day I will. Perhaps one day the fucked up woman inside me will give up -- and -- the girl who has seen you transform into a man from a boy will win. I will dial your number which I remember by heart. I will ask you to take me away to a far-off wonderland where I will be me and you will be mine. I am waiting for that da

I am heartbroken over our failure as a couple

I asked you to love me. Nothing else. Just love. I didn't desire marriage. I am miles away from the glitter of the designer trousseau, lavish weddings and rituals are suffocating for me. I didn't want a house, money or child from you. I've learnt this by a bad stroke of luck that as a woman I am capable of having all of them on my own. I can build a house and make it home. I can earn, invest and splurge money. I can have and raise a child as a single mother. Don't get me wrong, I am capable of loving myself as well. But I desired love. I wanted to lie on your shoulders as the paisley curtains blew in the cool summer breeze. I wanted to look into nothingness as we listened to Masoom songs on loop. I wanted to gently kiss you on the neck while you were getting ready for the gym. I wanted to share silence with you after our aggressive fight over politics. I wanted to share the lows of my life while I sulked in your lap. I wanted to sit on the carpet and read a book while y

Rewind - May 2021

 I am disappointed. I shall write more and cover more emotions. Hopefully will do it now. Date Published 05/03/2021 तुम किसी मोड पे थाम लो मेरा हाथ बस इसी आस में ज़िंदगी का सफ़र क़ायम है 05/05/2021 रिश्तों में मिलावट है तो दारु में क्यूँ करें साली ज़िंदगी में कोई चीज़ तो नीट हो 05/09/2021 बन के चिट्ठी कभी तेरे घर पे आऊँ और तुम मेरा हाल-ए-दिल पढ़ लेना 05/12/2021 बहुत अफ़सोस की बात है कि हज़ारों चिताएँ जल रही हैं  और कुछ लोग उनपे अपने हाथ सेंक रहे हैं 05/14/2021 Pain, misery and sorrow are better teachers than books can ever be. 05/24/2021 कि तुम्हें महसूस करने की शिद्दत समझ लो  हम खाली बिस्तर पे फेर लेते हैं उंगलियाँ