Words

  I've watched you fall in love with another woman. I hugged you when you wallowed for your first girlfriend. I helped you select the perfect shirt for your first date. And I've endured the gut-wrenching pain of you choosing one woman after another while I've always been the one you come back to - not as a lover but as a friend. Then you have the audacity to call me your fallback plan. Fallback plan? Wh**e, f**k buddy or one-night stand command more respect in comparison. At least I'd be your first choice. Not a backup plan to a backup plan. So f**k you. I don't know who I am angry at now - you or me? You have always taken me for granted. And I felt privileged even for that. You felt the right to wake up at 3 am after your girlfriend treated you like sh*t. And I felt obliged to comfort you. You had the guts to nitpick fault in every man who asked me out. And I felt you were protecting me. You selfish bast**d. You kept me as an option all this while. And look at me s...

कुछ तो होगा तेरे मेरे बीच यूँही बिना मिले दिलों के तार नहीं छिड़ते पतझड़ में भी वक़्त से पहले पत्ते शाखों से नहीं बिछड़ते तुम कहोगे अकेलापन वजह है मैं कहूँगी शायद कुछ और बस मान लो एक बात कि तुम सुकून से लगते हो बाकी सब लगता है मुझे शोर तुम्हें उम्र भर इश्क़ नहीं मिला तुम्हें यह गिला है फ़र्ज़ निभाते-निभाते ज़िंदगी यूँही कट गई हम दोनों का यही सिलसिला हैं मुझे रत्ती भर इश्क़ तो मिला पर उससे बड़ा धोखा सारी ज़िंदगी इसी उम्मीद में रही मेरी क़िस्मत में भी कोई तुमसा होगा बस तकदीरों का खेल कह लो यह ज़िंदगी मुझे रास नहीं आई तुम कही हो तो सही पर तेरे-मेरे बीच मीलों लंबी जुदाई शायद कभी फ़र्क़ पड़ना बंद हो जाएगा तब तक के लिये गुज़ार लेते है तुम व्हाट्सएप पे मेसेज भेजते रहना यूँही तुम्हारी बातों पे हम खुश हो लेते हैं वैसे इससे ज़्यादा की उम्मीद करती हूँ पर कह नहीं पाऊँगी तुम्हारे साथ वक़्त गुज़ारना चाहती हूँ पर हिम्मत कहाँ से लाऊँगी *I am striving to make amends for the fact that I failed to compose even a single couplet throughout the month of May.

April was unkind. Or perhaps I was foolish to take life seriously. But the bottom line is I am not writing when writing is the only thing which brings joy. I wrote only one couplet. Date Published 04/13/2023 अब इसे जुनून कहो या पागलपन इंसान वही तरक़्क़ी करता है जिसे हो कुछ पाने की धुन Hoping to a better May! Love, Saru

 I've been busy sorting out the last leg of pending tasks. I'm finding no time or inspiration to write poetry. I wrote only one couplet in March. Sometimes I am scared that I will forget to write. Hopefully, things will change this month.  Date Published 03/02/2023 बहुत तरसते है सुकून को वो लोग  जिनके घर में अपने तो होते हैं पर उन्हें समझने वाले नहीं  Bahut taraste hai sukoon ko woh log Jinke ghar me apne toh hote hain par unhe samjhne wale nahi

I had high hopes from February but I got COVID. It hit me really hard. I was in bed for almost 3 weeks. It was frustrating as I missed many deadlines. I am hoping March will be better and I will be able to recover the time lost. I wrote the following in February: Date Published 02/02/2023 ज़िन्दगी में किसी से इतना प्यार मत करना  कि वो तुम्हें दुःख देता रहे और तुम उसे गले लगाते रहो Zindagi mein kisi se itna pyaar mat karna Ki woh tumhe dukh deta rahe aur tum usse gale lagate raho 02/10/2023 बहुत दुःख हुआ सुन के  कि तुम्हें मेरे जाने का ज़रा भी दुःख नहीं हुआ  Bahut dukh hua sunn ke Ki tumhein mere jaane ka zara bhi dukh nahi hua 02/15/2023 ज़िन्दगी कैसे जीते है ये ज़रा देर से समझ में आया  अपने-पराये का फर्क हालातों ने सिखाया Zindagi kaise jeete hai ye zara der se samajh mein aaya Apne paraye ka fark haalaaton ne sikhaya 02/21/2023 माचिस, आग और बारूद की क्या ज़रूरत जब लोग आपकी तरक्की से जल-भुन जाते हो 02/23/2023 इश्क़ का सही मतलब  मुझे उसकी बेवफ़ाई ने सिखाया Ishq k...

 I can't believe January is over. It went by like a whoosh. I am writing better than what I did in the last quarter of 2022. I want to write more long-form Hindi poems this year. I wrote the following in January: Date Published 01/03/2023 देने वाले ने रिश्ता खत्म होने का  क्या सिगनल दिया  आज वह नाराज़ मुझ से था  और गुस्सा किसी और पे किया  Dene wale ne rishta khatam hone ka Kya signal diya Aaj woh naraaz mujh se tha Par gussa kisi aur pe kiya 01/09/2023 There is more strength in me Than there is stress There is more beauty in my vulnerability Than in my 100-dollar dress Them f**kers can't rule me They try nevertheless Honest to God truth - When a man can't handle a strong woman He often calls her a mess 01/15/2023 वो जो नस-नस में आग लगाती है तुम वो बुरी आदत हो 01/19/2023 ​​तेरे शहर से गुज़रु और तू याद भी ना आए  बस इतना भूलना है तुझे Tere shehar se guzaru aur tu yaad bhi na aaye Bas itna bhulna hai tujhe

Music is my 19-year-old boyfriend who picked me up from college and took me to a different restaurant every Saturday - and - tucked my hair behind my ear as I ate sizzler. Music is also the sauve man I dated who listened to my 5-year plan - feeding my soul and body with a penetrating stare and his to-die-for smile. Music is also the man who betrayed me and left me in the lurch - and - made me fall every time I tried to take a step forward. Music is love, lust and betrayal all rolled into one. I have lived more in the songs I have listened to than through the highs and lows of life. In the dead of winter last January, I missed my bus and had to wait for another bus for 40 minutes in -15 degrees celsius. I shivered in sub-zero weather. With anger seething in my body, warmth was given by Ed Sheeran's Beautiful People . I wondered was Ed was singing for me? Because I don't fit in this world. Because, at that time, I could definitely use some help. Perhaps a ride. Perhaps enough mo...