Words

How melancholic it is that you are the only man I trust my life with and yet I can’t love you? Human emotions are weird. Or am I? Yet all those phone calls where I dial your number and don’t utter a word are proof love exists in all forms. You hear my breathing, silence and sadness. You call my name in between to check if I’m still there or WhatsApp disconnected the only connection we have. I don't call to talk. I want reassurance that you are always there for me. My heart is heavy with unsurmountable pain. If you roam in the darkest corners of my heart, you will see your name written there in bold letters. You are the man who pulls me from depths of despair. But I can’t love you. Not now at least. I don’t want to unburden my sorrows on your shoulders. When the time will come, I want to lie down on your chest and speak only of love. Only of us. Nothing else. I’m really scared. What if I will fall in love with someone else? I won’t have the guts to look into your eyes. I can’t betra...

  I vividly remember the day we became lovers from friends. I texted you a picture. I was wearing a new top. Of course, I looked sexy. Of course, you were aroused. But you didn't say anything more than 'fabulous' for the next 1 hour. You conveniently switched the topic. We talked about our trip which we had been planning since we first met. A plan to visit Italy in June and spend days together under the Tuscan sun. Getting tans lines and reminiscing about our youthful, vibrant days. We talked in length about flight tickets, Airbnbs and different trails we would hike. You were describing the joy of driving a bike on the narrow, serpentine roads of Amalfi. As you continued talking about zipping through roads from Sorrento to Positano, I gazed at WhatsApp. Haplessly looking at my picture and my full-blown attempt to seduce you. And then at your insipid 'fabulous'. 'Dang, let's concentrate on Italy, woman,' I told myself. 'So, are you in?' you asked....

 It has been a hell of a month! There were a lot of personal milestones but as far as writing is concerned I wrote the following: Date Published 04/01/2021 तेरे ख़ास होने का एहसास कुछ यूँ हुआ जिस दिन से तुने हाल नहीं पूछा  मैं बेहाल सी बैठी हूँ 04/03/2021 मुझे आज भी याद है तेरा हलके से मुस्कुराना और सुस्त दोपहर में मेरे काँधे पे गिर जाना 04/07/2011 मशहूर फ़िल्मी गाने जैसा इश्क़ अपना शहर में हर किसी की ज़ुबान पे है 04/08/2021 कमबख़्त कैसा अँधा प्यार है जिसने दिल तोड़ा दिल उसी के गले लग के रोने को बेकरार है

  I have wanted to write this for a long time. Today, I finally have the courage and hopefully articulation to say it in the most meaningful manner. I started working at 17. I have made successful investment decisions, both in the property and share market, in my early 20s. I started my business and practice in the mid-20s and was successful at it, too. Then after my marriage circumstances changed. I had to leave my practice and business behind when I moved to the US. I was on a dependent visa and was not allowed to work there. It was then I started blogging. For those who have seen my blogging journey, I was fairly successful there too. The only mistake I did post marriage was to give control of my finances to my partner. I made money and he took care of it. Please note, I am not blaming him. I somehow lost confidence that I could do it. It came from living in isolation, working from home and losing touch with the real world. In the 1990s, I saw #Longines advertisement in a magazi...

 I'm very happy when I write. So you all can guess how my March was! Hopefully, April will be better. Date Published 03/05/2021 तुम किसी मौड़ पे थाम लो शायद मेरा हाथ  बस यही सोच-सोच मचल जाती है उँगलियाँ 03/14/2021 There are 2 kinds of wounds. One gives you the ability to bear all kinds of pain. The other takes away your ability to love again.

I'm growing in leaps and bounds. This growth is worth more than money can ever buy. I'm rediscovering myself. Those who know me before 2008 would say I am going back to my original self. Without divulging the boring details, I'm in a space where I have wanted to be since 2018. I'm more confident, calm and focused. I'm looking forward to what life has in store for me this year. To all those who stood by me, left me, betrayed me, helped me - thank you for giving me life-changing lessons free of cost! And here's what wrote in February 2021. So less, I know! Date Published 02/01/2021 आज लफ्ज़ शर्मिंदा हुए  चुप्पी ने वो कमाल किया 02/10/2021 रुक-रुक के देखते है लोग अब इश्क़ ऐसे जिंदगी तबाह कर के गया 02/10/2021 In a room full of 100 people, if you are not there, it feels empty. 02/10/2021 You are my favourite kind of person - a little mad and a lot of fun. 02/15/2021 पास होने से ज्यादा दूरियों का एहसास दिलाती है वो नज़दीकियाँ जिनमे चुप्पी भरी होती है 02/16/2021 मोहब्ब...

A late post. I forgot to publish it. 2021 is here. We are still in lockdown. And now, I am getting bored of it. I was the normalcy back. How about you? Are you waiting for things to get back to normal or enjoying it? This is what I wrote in January: Date Published 01/3/2021 हर पल मेरा ख्याल रखता है ये दोस्ती नहीं साहब, प्यार लगता है 01/09/2021 तू दूर से देखे  और आँखों-आँखों में इज़हार हो  ये फेसबुक, इंस्टाग्राम वाली दुनिया में  90 के दशक वाला प्यार हो 01/16/2021 मुझे वो लोग ज़्यादा भाते हैं  जो बोलते कम है और कर के ज़्यादा दिखाते है 01/17/2021 दोस्त लेने-देने का हिसाब रखने लगे है यूँ समझ लो दोस्ती के मायने घटने लगे है 01/18/2021 बहुत मासूम होते है वो लोग  जो अपनी गलती को इश्क़ का नाम देते है 01/22/2021 साला नौटंकी सा लगता है इश्क़ आज-कल लोग तसवीरें यादों के लिए कम फ़ेस्बुक के लिए ज़्यादा लेते है 01/23/2021 Bas uss mukaam tak pahuchna Ki maa tumhari fikr kam, zikr zyada kare 01/24/2021 Subah ki chai sa ishq hai hamara Tujhe ek baar hothon se lagaye na toh din shu...