Wish you were only a cold-heartless f*ck
I try not to think about you. I genuinely do. It's when I enter my empty bedroom at 7 in the evening - when I see a couple in the lift - when I stop at the traffic lights and notice the girl embracing her boyfriend on the bike - a fleeting thought of your absence comes to my mind. But the taste of betrayal is so bitter, love doesn't sound sweet anymore. The loneliness in my bones makes my spine short. I feel dwarfed in a room full of couples. I'm 5 feet 10 inches though.
Don't get me wrong, I'm way past our breakup. I don't crave the wetness of your lips after I put the empty glass down on the table on a Saturday night. My fingers don't itch to feel the depth of your cleavage. The heat of desires dies the moment I recall the coldness of your unapologetic face. It feels like freaking Antartica - and - I feel like standing on a glacier stripped of my innocence - sinking in the ocean of your lies. I gasp for sanity. It's cold, brutal and emotionally I'm in a whirlpool. My body feels heavy. I've lost weight in the last 5 months though.
I look in the mirror to reflect upon the man I've become. Nothing looks back at me. There is a man I don't know and don't want to know. He is aloof, confused and deranged. I've always thought of myself as wise and intelligent. But my fancy degrees fail to teach me to come up with a strategy to fix my broken heart. I feel like a complete idiot. I've been promoted recently though.
My only regret in life is not that I loved you. I'm a fierce man. I love wild and passionately. My regret is while loving you I left pieces of myself with you. You can take my money. You can take my peace. You can use my body. But I can't give the man I truly am to someone as frivolous as you. You don't deserve me - you don't deserve the foot rub I gave you on cold January night - your fingers don't deserve the strong embrace of mine - you certainly don't deserve the feelings I poured every time we made out. A cold-heartless f*ck was perhaps something apt for us. I was no more than a 10-minute pleasure for you. It's so sad, I wanted to make you my lifelong happiness.