We could've been 'us'
I wish I could go back to college and sit on the bench under which we held hands. I can still feel the tight grip of your bony figures. A squeeze so tight - it pained. I never told you to let it go. 'Pain was a bitter-sweet aspect of love,' I thought. Afterward, when I rubbed my sweaty palm on my jeans, the cold air ignited the passion instead of repressing it. That was my first brush with love - true, pure, naive, and intense. It made a woman out of a girl. I even longed for moments I never knew existed.
But it's a shame I learned way too much. With time, I could tell when you wanted me or my body - when you cared and when you didn't. The world felt like a lonely place then! Love felt more bitter than sweet. We started fighting. We cursed. I even threatened to leave you in the lurch. Love became a liability.
We dragged the relationship somehow. 'It was a mistake,' we concluded in the end. But you know what was the actual mistake? Saying and doing a lot without meaning any of it. I could've stopped you when a hug felt tight. You could've said no to my tantrums. We could've talked about it on the couch rather than sorting it out on the bed. We could've grown as two individuals rather than growing together as messy lovers. Then, love would not have been a liability. It would have been our asset. More importantly, we could have been 'us.'
P. S. And from a woman who was deeply in love with you once - It was easy to let go off your bony fingers, but there are days I crave for your touch.