Loved at 19, Angry till 24 and Finally Understood at 29
If love was written on the bed, we would have been on New York Times Best Selling list. We were that good. But if love was to be felt like a warm whisper on a cold February night, we would have made each other deaf -- note the contrast. It was not our fault. We were young. Our bodies dictated our feelings. Maybe, we didn't know how to love anyone at that age. We knew the kind of love we saw in the movies. We didn't read poetry, then. Even if we did, we only read the roses and didn't think of the unmentioned thorns that grow with it. Love was linear to us, not multi-dimensional - one kiss, a phone call, and a handsome boyfriend. And that linear love resulted in only one emotion after our breakup. It made me angry.
I held onto that anger till 24. Then, time took care of it. You become that memory I buried in the someone's backyard. Well, I was afraid of even burying it in my own. You were my biggest mistake. I moved on but carried the dead weight with me all the time. If I liked someone, I doubted him even before the first date. I didn't trust the compliments. I believed all promises were fake. I thought love was to keep the bed warm, not the soul. I took one man's fault and blamed it on men. I cursed men when I should have picked up the broken pieces of my heart and created a beautiful mosaic. But then, I was angry. I was angry because I didn’t understand love.
It was only with age I understood the real meaning of it. Love is not about the longevity of a relation, it’s about the tiny moments we create. Love is not about growing old together either. If you grew as a person even after your breakup, love has served its purpose. So, I did one thing, one evening I sat down and asked myself, ‘What have you given me?’ At 29, the answer was - the ability to love better. Because of you, I know what is love and how to love. I know whom to love too. I know the ‘why’ of love as well. My only regret was all those years I was bitter. I wish I could go back in time and smoothen the arid patch of my life. I wish I could go back and bloom.