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Monday, January 28, 2013

Scintillating Desires...



Demure, yet subtly bold,
I tucked my fingers in his hand.
Scintillating winter, scintillating desires,
He better understand.
Camouflaged my sleek body, 
with layers of yarn.
I knew my burning passion, 
could set off the alarm.
I underplayed, I dozed, 
I resisted all kinds of fire,
I even slashed down,
my sense of attire.
Brimming like Aphrodite,
Walked in my blue jeans.
Sizzling like Pothos,
he was by all means.
Drenched in countless emotions, 
I romanced him in my heart.
Missed the tightening grip of his hand,
His mood from the start.
We were soaking the same fire, so to say,
I paced down my alley without further delay.
But after reading signs of his approval,
I wish, I had opted for hair removal.
***********

*Aphrodite and Pothos are Greek God of love, beauty and desire.
**This post is a part of the Gillette Satin Care contest in association with BlogAdda.com. And the priced possession from the contest win...



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126 comments:

  1. I understood this poem only to a certain extent!!! but still according to me the poem which is not understood by the readers to the fullest and is only known to the writer it self..is said to be the best poem..and I think this was!!! awesome work ma'am :)

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    1. Sorry about that, wish you were more specific about what you didn't understand. About what you said on the criteria of a best poem, I think behind every good work, there is a good thought and layers, when we read it again and again, we experience the hidden beauty of it. Every time we read it, we discover something new and we read more between lines, so to say. Hence, we call that work a masterpiece.

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  2. So beautiful. Love how you weaved longing and passion together. :)

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  3. I wondered about the last line till I read the contest bit, then it made complete sense, all the best!!

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  4. Beautiful lines, Saru :-) all the best.

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  5. Ah. beautiful poem Saru. I got puzzled after concluding lines before i learnt about the contest. Thoroughly loved it.

    I underplayed, i dozed.

    loved this expression. Good luck buddy.

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    1. Thank you for loving the expression and the 'tharki' one as well. And thanks for your wishes too :)

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  6. The ending took me by surprise! Loved this.

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    1. I guess it took a few by surprise. Thanks for reading :)

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  7. A good one Saru. At the end of it I feel sorry for the girl :) precisely penned down . All the best!

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    1. Glad that a boy can understand that. Thanks for reading and for your wishes :)

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  8. Very good one Saru! Am sure even the sponsors of the contest would sit up when they read the closing lines:) Best wishes for the contest!!

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  9. I know it's for a contest where u had to use the hair removal line but how does the beautiful Greek goddess, in the moments of passion and love, suddenly think about the one flaw of hair removal? As someone said in a previous comment, I understood it only partly! May be till the last line! But I guess that's ur poetic liberty controlling how much the reader should interpret and how much he should be left wanting!

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    1. Exactly! Had it been a planned event, she would have gone through the process of dressing up but it was lovely winter evening where emotions were brimming and she thought of her flaw. BTW, even the most beautiful of us have to maintain ourselves. It's long, boring and time consuming process.

      What else you didn't understand? And thank you so much for reading and for your comment. Reminds me of 'Tharki Mann Bawara' which was around this time last year. :)

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    2. Well I thought of the same poem too! I understood and liked the entire poem except the concept of hair removal in the last line...seemed sudden and broke my image of the perfect Greek goddess! :)
      But now I get, that was the intention....so kudos! :)

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    3. Again, she thinks they are as desirable as Greek God or Goddess but they are not. Nobody is for that matter. :)

      Thanks for reading, sharing your views and making this poem special. In fact, today I am having a lovely interaction on 'Tharki Mann Bawara.' If you have time, read it here

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  10. Demure, yet subtly bold,
    I tucked my fingers in his hand.
    Scintillating winter, scintillating desires,
    He better understand.

    Beautifully penned Saru!!

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  11. That's something come up with a unique concept, love it! :)
    Good luck, Saru! :)

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    1. Glad you liked it and same to you Gayatri :)

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  12. Entire poem I was so so much into it was waiting for big bang in the end and so you did :) I re read twice to get the whole gist of it ... Truly Magician you are Saru!

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    1. Awww...that's so sweet of you Ramya. Thanks a ton for reading and for a lovely comment. :)

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  13. I was wondering where you were taking it to until I reached the post script. If it was not written for the contest, would it still end the same way? I mean, would she still underplay and resist the fire because of this, and repent?
    Unique one for contest. Too good that they can even make an ad with this. All the best saru :)

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    1. No, I would have ended it some other way but yes, the underplaying element would still be there. Thanks for a lovely comment. Such interaction brings out the beauty of blogging. :)

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  14. Beautiful...bringing word pics in front of eyes, till the last line! Oh Saru, why! You are gifted poet why to spoil the flow for a contest! I am sorry but I know you and have been reading your poems for a year now so can't resist to comment this.

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    1. This is so encouraging. Thanks for such a lovely comment. Actually, for a year I stayed away from blogging contests but my husband encouraged me to participate, his logic was- winning contests gives you credibility and fetches you non-blogger readers. And his logic has worked for me. I'm sorry to disappoint you but I promise, I will post a beautiful ending to this poem sometime soon.

      And, yes welcome back. It's always good to hear from you :)

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  15. Well written Saru. All the best for the contest :)

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  16. OMG ! Where does this start and where does this end. Superb. Salute.

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  17. Beautifully written Saru! All the best for the contest :)

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  18. Bold and Beautiful...or is it the other way round: Beautiful and Bold!
    You are the winner Saru, even before the contest organizers declare it!!

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    1. Sir, winning contests is a very tricky thing but I'll take this compliment :)
      Thanks a ton for motivating me :)

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  19. Every time I read your poem I fall in short of words to comment.. There are so many times when i have typed a comment and deleted it and just kept it simple by using an adjective like "beautiful" or "amazing".. That's because I cant express the beauty of your work in a comment.. :)
    How do you manage every time to steal our hearts by your words???

    Sadly the last line took out the grace of the poem.. All the best for the contest.. :)

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    1. Oh! Sorry about that. And thanks for a heart warming comment and for your wishes Sonia. :) :) :)

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  20. Wonderfully woven words,nice thought for that contest.

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  21. From the past three days, I have come here, read this poem many times, my emotions kept varying, I still can't decide what to comment here. I understand the logic behind the last line, I applaud the lyrical liberties you have taken in this context but the last line kind of spoils the whole mood of the poem. I was immersed completely in that woman's longing, the visuals playing in my mind as I read them but ended up with mixed feelings. I still love the poem in its entirety, now I am all the more intrigued to read what you would have originally written if it wasn't for a contest. :)

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    1. When you say the mood was spoilt in the end, I was trying to convey the exact feelings. And I guess there are some who feel the same about the ending and it's pretty understandable. Yeah, I will re-write the ending. :)

      Thanks a ton for reading Akshay :)

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  22. Passionate, magical but still I can't help but think if last line was not there! This one is a gem for sure!

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    1. As I said to others, I will re-write it. Thanks for reading Meenakshi :)

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  23. I was waiting to see where the mood of this poem which had been so beautifully crafted would lead... and there came in the last line! :-)

    Wonderful twist Saru, all the best for the contest :)

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  24. Saru that was full of passion vividly described...you have a way with words,they convey your meaning beautifully...but the ending(if you don't mind my saying so) spoiled it a bit.

    Ah,i see Meenakshi too has said the same thing.

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    1. Ending was supposed to spoil the mood, so to say, that's how I wanted to show the importance of hair removal. But, I will re-write the ending and post it again.

      Thanks a ton for reading Ma'am. :)

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  25. Superb Saru :) for me also , the last line was a spoiler but nonetheless the words just showed awesome chemistry.

    All the best :)

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  26. Good luck...and thats a lovely poem!

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  27. Well written! Was trying to figure out how the last line blended into the poem and then scrolled down and saw why...
    :) All the best!

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  28. Lovely lines...thanks so much for sharing, Saru!

    --Damyanti, Co-host A to Z Challenge April 2013

    Twitter: @AprilA2Z
    #atozchallenge

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  29. Wow yaar. What a wonderful way to enter the contest Saru! And interesting way to involve the greek gods! All the best. Tathastu :)

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    1. Glad you liked it. Thanks a ton for your wishes. :)

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  30. As usual, a beautiful mix of words. :)

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  31. The more you write the more I fall in love with poetry....lovely read.... :)

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  32. a twist in the end .. awesome poem Saru .. all the very best for the contest !

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  33. Very nicely written Saru! One can imagine reading your poem.

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  34. Such a beautiful poem...loved the way you played with it in the end..I am sure it will be most unique entry for the contest!

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    1. Glad you liked it Richa. Thanks a ton for reading. :)

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  35. Delicious ...the twist in the end makes it really unique! All the best, Saru.

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  36. haha even the deepest moments of passion, I guess we women could ask for a 'time please' wala break. Because if the hair will not vanish, the passion would surely will!
    Also, winters are my favorite month. The season demands fireplaces, warmth, love and passion. And yeah the suddeness of the suitation is much more enticing than actually preparing and knowing it is going to happen.
    Also nice, the analogy to the greek gods and goddess. For one another we are always greek god goddess, even if we dont look like one!
    All the best Saru. Witty one along with beautiful words!

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    1. Yeah, for each other we are greek gods, no matter how terrible we look. Even I love winters, it's as if, it is the official romance season. Thanks for reading and for your wishes Jenny :)

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  37. I was taken by surprise towards the end...never realized that this was for that contest... great one....kinda jolted me. Good luck for the contest. You may win coz I didn't participate :P :P

    PS- In any case, I never win any award. :))

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    1. Thank you for not participating :P

      Hope the surprise jolted you in a good way. Thanks for your wishes Ritesh :)

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    2. Dekho dekho, maine na kaha tha ^_^



      ~Ritesh the SoothSayer

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  38. Saru, you cracked me up towards the end...hahah...
    Until then, I was abt to comment what happened Saru, the valentine month is bringing out the romance in you....:-P

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    1. More like, contest was bringing the creativity in me. This post has received mixed response and glad that you enjoyed it in the end. :)

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  39. Lovely poem and the ending makes it special, something not expected. If you ended is as what most people want it to be, it might loose its uniqueness.
    I especially love the words in the first line - "Demure, yet subtly bold."

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    1. Thanks a ton for liking the ending and you know we all try to do something different with each post. Even I love this line. :)

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  40. Good one Sarum :-) . I seriously thought it was a valentine mon special and that last line made me laugh. Another win I'm sure, good luck :-)

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  41. wow....i always love to read the flow that your words create

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  42. enjoyed the poem :-)
    and the reference to hair removal kinda made it funny at the end :-)

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  43. Winner!!! Congratulations!!! Very much deserving...

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  44. Congrats Saru. Well done, again :)

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  45. Beautiful saru !
    Good that you described Aphrodite and pothos
    And the gist is so crisp simple and message clear
    Congrats on winning !

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    1. Thanks a ton Afshan, your wishes mean a lot to me. :)

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  46. Wow! Now that's something I had never read :).
    Awesome one Saru ji :). Totally loved it. You've got a new fan here already. Not cause you won, but cause the poem is absolutely splendid :D <3

    Congrats <3 :)

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    1. Thrilled to read your comment, there's nothing more satisfying than true appreciation. Thanks a ton dear :)

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  47. Had to read twice to discover the poeminess(is that a word!!) of this poem....and a great piece of yours.....
    And congratulation for the pick on Blogadda!!

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    1. Poeminess, sadly is not any word but why bother, we can invent new words. We are bloggers and we have every right to. Hope you like reading it and thanks for your wishes. :)

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  48. Well deserved prize saru. The poem was a flow and the tag smartly placed. None of it compromised anwhere. Neither the poet nor the business.
    http://neoimaginations.blogspot.in/

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    1. Thanks a ton Neo, glad you liked it. :)

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  49. Congrats Saru :) You deserved it :)

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    1. Thank you Saurabh, support of fellow bloggers means a lot to me. :)

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  50. Congratulations, you fully deserve the award. No doubts that you write brilliantly

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  51. Congrats, Saru, on winning the prize for this! A well deserved one!

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