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Monday, December 14, 2015

Piya wahi jo sab kuch khaye aur nakhre na dikhaye




As a child when anyone asked what I wanted to be, I was very clear and focused. I wanted to be a doctor and a wife. To be very precise - I wanted to be a ‘good looking’ doctor and the ‘most beautiful’ wife, jaisi movies mein hoti hain - tip top! Two exemplary ladies were my source of inspiration - Rekha Ji and Madhuri Dixit. Honestly, I connected with Madhuri more. After watching that scene from ‘Hum Aapke Hain Kaun,’ where Madhuri all dressed up in pink satin dress, serves God-only-knows-how-many-dishes to Salman Khan, I knew for sure I wanted to be a wife.
I imagined cooking in neatly tucked sari, serving my husband spoonfuls of halwa between oodles of love and seductive glances. ‘Yeh tumne apne hathon se banaya hai’ - was my second favorite sentence. First being - hamari beti sarvagunn sampann hai! I started my ‘Wife-Training’ rigorously. I cooked, I baked, I burnt and in between all that, borrowed my mom’s maroon saree for practice. The low point of this practice regime was not burning, but sweating. Unlike in Hindi movies where - 40 degree wali garmi ho ya 89% humidity, pasine ko Sunny Deol border cross nahi karne deta. Boy, I sweated! It was not at all glamorous for me. Undeterred I pointed finger at my parents. We were a middle class family. We switched on the AC when the entire family was in one room. Else it was a sin. I knew, things would change for better. I will marry someone super rich and handsome - aur 10 chapati banaungi toh bhi ek boond pasina nahin aayega. AC hoga na kitchen mein!
With these dreams, I got married to just out of B-School boy in recession. He was neither rich, nor Salman Khan. We rented a semi furnished apartment in Bangalore. There was no space for a 10 seater dining table. Waise agar woh bhi hota, toh bartan nahi the! In ten days - ‘khana ban gaya hai aa jao’ was replaced by ‘kitni chapati khaoge?’ Then, started the silsila of weird demands. Aloo ke paranthe to hamara mess wala banata tha! I prefer cucumber in bite size. Do you know how to make chole bhature? It was a crucial stage of our marriage. I was taught - Dulhan wahi jo piya man bhaye, and hence, I started cooking everything.
He wanted idlis - I made it. He wanted a cake - I baked it. He wanted to have mess wale paranthe - I made the potato filling 3 days in advance, just to give that perfect leftover touch. This continued for good 2-3 years. Phir shaadi purani ho gayi. Women liberation, naari shakti, feminism and all that social media crap forced me to think. I started writing, and my priorities changed. My increased social media interaction enlightened me. Cooking a four course meal was not important. Taking the picture of food, writing a ‘oh-so-full-of-love’ comment and tagging your husband on Facebook became the norm of the day. This was the modern day version of sarvagunn sampann naari. I followed the new social (media) norms. Now with all this, there was hardly any time to cook. Pressure of cooking was taking a toll on my creative skills. Just when I was on the verge of a writer’s block, a million dollar idea fell into my lap. Darling husband asked for ‘Rava Idli with Stir-Fry Vegetables’ for lunch. Instead of using my culinary skills, I used my creative ones, and served him Dal-Chapati with this on the side, on ‘bite size’ sticky note -
Piya wahi jo sab kuch khaye aur nakhre na dikhaye!
P. S. - Aaj meri wife wali training complete hui!

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84 comments:

  1. hehehe...hilarious post, Saru.Dal Chapati as a substitute for Rava Idli with Stir-Fry Vegetables! Being a perfect husband will be as much fun as being a perfect wife was. :P
    I loved the line, "Piya wahi jo sab kuch khaye aur nakhre na dikhaye!" I'm going to remember it for future reference.

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    1. Hehehe... This line is my favorite these days. Thanks for reading, Kiran. :)

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  2. I loved reading this! :D
    Sachmuch, Piya wahi jo sab kuch khaye aur nakhre na dikhaye!:P
    BTW, Saru, I miss your food posts on Instagram, you're a damn good cook! :)

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    1. Remember this when you get married. It will come handy. Thanks a bunch for a beautiful comment. I post food picture every now and then on Instagram. When I posted regularly, it was a subtle reminder for personal challenges.

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  3. Rocking Post...loved every bit of it....though everything of it is viceversa in my house :P

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  4. I need to give Alok a hug :D ! Hilarious post! Nice to see you taking a break from the serious posts :).

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    1. Hmmm... Empathy towards your folks, would be husband. :P

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  5. Ha ha, I remember those days too. When we would switch on the AC when everyone was in the room, else it was sin.
    This made me chuckle.

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  6. Hahaga....good one. I remember trying to cook everything to please piya and ending up too dog-tired to even try anything myself! Purane din yaad aa gaye...

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    1. LOL! That happens with me all the time. Thanks for reading, Kala. :)

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  7. Haha!! My husband never demanded anything and he was always very supportive of badly cooked phulkas as well. Any demand was met by a lot of anger by me! Guess he learnt how to maintain peace at home.

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    1. LOL! Irony is - I love cooking. Thanks for reading, Nisha :)

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  8. Howlarious Saru.. Every word is story of my life. The tantrums..uff..ask me. And you forgot to mention "mummy wala swad" when your husband eats ghee laden khana made by mummy but mazaal hai biwi dinner mein rice bana de? Good idea...aaj rice banati hoon :P

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    1. Sach mein... Story of every Indian wife. Thanks for reading, Ekta.

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  9. Ek dum tip top, Boss. Aapke pati dev, Alok bohot khush hai:)

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  10. hehehe Sahi boli. Husband wohi jo sab kuch khaye aur nakhre na dikhaye. :-) Alok, comment please.

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  11. Completely agree, Saru

    I think they will eat anything if living in a nuclear family. Joint family they have a chance to fall back on "someone" ;-)

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  12. Saru, love you for writing this one. Totally hilarious! I am sure Alok too had fun reading this. :-D Stay blessed the two of you. :-)

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  13. Right! Loved the expressions! Birthday se pehle Alok is going to get a surprise :D Good one!

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  14. Ha ha ha ha :) I dont see a comment from Alok sir he he he he

    what a lovely post Mam ji ....


    Bikram's

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    1. Thank you! Will ask Alok to comment on this.

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  15. Enjoyed reading it,Especially that you started filling potatoes for parantha 3 days earlier to give a left over touch . The picture perfect bahus and biwis from films really took everyone else far from reality.

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    1. That is so true. Being a wife in real life is not a cake walk. Thanks for reading.

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  16. Heh heh! Don't know what I should comment! Too funny or too practical? May be, this is the dictionary definition of a satire. Which not only make you roll on the floor, but also let's you feel how hard the floor is... and, you don't even mind the hardness of the ground!

    Awesome job, Saru! Off point thought: I'd like to see the reaction on the 'B-school boy' after reading this post! Hahahah!

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    1. Thank you, Rakesh. I will ask Alok to write his side of the story. That sounds quite interesting.

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  17. Hanste hanste pet pakad liya maine! I need to make my hubby read this. I went through the same jazz...the turning point in my case however, has been the arrival of our baby. The same hubby who has been super demanding and fussy about food now says "Serve anything that is edible and quick to make and then take the howling kiddo back from me (He has to baby sit while I cook...)...;)

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    1. Hehehee... Drastic change and all for their comfort. Thanks for reading Shaivi :)

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  18. Hahaha... so true! Enjoyed every word... :-D :-D Facebook/Twitter has really changed our priorities...

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  19. LIfe is too short for cooking! Nice story.

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  20. Enjoyed a lot and still laughing and thinking about me and my wife .

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  21. Thoroughly enjoyed reading the post. Loved the line: "Unlike in Hindi movies where - 40 degree wali garmi ho ya 89% humidity, pasine ko Sunny Deol border cross nahi karne deta." LOL!

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  22. I thought this post has something to do with Alok's birthday. I laughed, and laughed and laughed. You are so so awesome in the way you build up the narratives. Be it solemn topics dealing with social issues, or a down-rightly hilarious post on the personal front, you rock. You simply rock. Serving daal with poetry...!

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    1. Thank you so much, Sunaina. Truly humbled! <3

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  23. ha ha ha :D
    I loved reading it. You made it so humorous. Awesome post, dear.

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  24. this is your best till date :) a hilarious post. incidentally, i am preparing chapathi.. and i was sweaty.. it irritates ... but then poor Alok bhai.. arre hey buys you Diamond rings and unko ye mila :( (winks)

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    1. LOL! All men here are having sympathy with him. :D

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  25. Ha ha ha:):)
    A perfect, brilliant partner (wife is obsolete!)

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  26. Woww..... Saru.... your creativity has no limits. And your humor is just brilliant. Really really enjoyed this one.
    Brilliant. Keep writing more such gems.

    "40 degree wali garmi ho ya 89% humidity, pasine ko Sunny Deol border cross nahi karne deta"... Just too much. :)

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  27. Ha ha ! Awesome Saru ! I loved your wifey training !! :D

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  28. Can't agree more :D Although I said that in second month of marriage itself :P
    http://fashionmuses.com/trend-alert/website-review-vintage-desi/

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    1. Bravo! I was really slow in admitting to the reality. :P

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  29. very nicely put-up. loved reading...could totally relate!

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  30. This is too good. My journey was a bit different. From a non cook to a cook inspired by husband and then I realized, what have I done!!

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  31. Bwahahaha! This is awesome :P :P.

    Lol! I truly remember the 90s when all of us cousins used to sleep together on the floor in one room literally next to the AC ;).

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  32. Hilarious... Alok ki bhi Pati waali training complete hui... :) loved the post Saru!!

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  33. Hilarious even when I was newly married I prepared everything. But as I have started blogging my priorities have changed. Dinner.is just dal khichadi, courtesy social media, blogging

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  34. Hahahahaha. I guess when I do get married, I might just serve my husband this story for food 😀😂 You ma'am are hilarious!

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    1. Hehehe... I hope he will appreciate your humor. Thanks for reading, Aadya. :)

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  35. Omg this is so hilarious... Loved this post Saru :):)

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