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Sunday, December 21, 2014

Seek True Love, Not Just Pleasure


Dev weds Meira
Arranged Marriage
Had sex on their first night

Aakash weds Kavya
Love Marriage
Done it countless times before

Tanay weds Mauli
Love Marriage
Done it countless times before, not with each other though

What is wrong and what is right? Is marriage a permit to have sex? Is pre-marital sex wrong? Isn't sex an expression of your feelings? Alas! We don't dig that much. We just like labeling things, putting them into the bracket of wrong or right. In fact, most would say - sex before marriage is wrong! And even if someone have had sex before marriage, he would still want a virgin. 

But before passing any judgement, we must understand that even sex has its shades of grey. So, I wouldn't categorically say it is right or wrong, based just on your martial status. I would rather dwell more on the so-called grey areas before jumping to any conclusion.

What precedes Sex? 
Sex is not about rushing on and into each other. It's all about discovering each other, layer by layer - mind, emotions and then, the body. If 'love' doesn't precede the act of love making, then the act is simply lust. Sex is a medium of expressing love towards each other and if there is absence of love in any marriage, it is nothing but merely satisfying our bodily desires. I believe - love, not marriage is required to validate sex. Love must precede Sex. Also, there has to be commitment towards each other. Respect for each others' emotions. Since the institution of marriage comes with commitment, most of us say - sex only after marriage is right. If you ask me - sex after marriage which also has the other two emotions - love and respect, is divine. Such an intermingling of body and soul is a perfect union! When love transcends all the boundaries and becomes true love, sex is not only divine, it brings true liberation.


What is your age?
Age becomes a criteria for having sex as we need to understand the dynamics of love and relationship before committing our bodies to someone. We need to grow beyond attraction, we need to mature up to take the responsibility of our actions, before we take such a huge leap. But much before that, we must know what we want and the difference between temptation and true love. A teenager who just discovered the realms of cardinal pleasure would be attracted to experience it but wouldn't know the heavy baggage that comes with it. Sex, for them, is like the forbidden fruit which they are tempted to taste. One must know what he or she is getting into. Till someone is old enough to know that sex comes with strings attached, it is wrong for them. That's why we have the concept of minimum age for marriage. Once you are old enough to realize all the dynamics of a relationship and are ready for commitment, you can have sex.

Strike out the wrong reasons - No Strings AttachedOne Night StandBodily Pleasure
Out-rightly putting premarital sex in the bracket of wrong is also not the wise thing to do. It would be much better to outline those acts that destroy the sanity of bodily union. Sex, just to satisfy the temptation is definitely wrong. Doing sex only for fun is also wrong. Sex without any commitment, even between two consenting adults is also wrong. There concept of 'no strings attached' is actually a misnomer. Sex has its manifestation both on our body and emotions. And we can neither ignore it nor escape from it. I feel we can't even erase the morality associated with the union of two bodies. In fact, sex is considered divine, for we have Gods preaching the art of love making and desire - Kamdeva, for Hindus and Eros, for Greek.

Eating the forbidden fruit
It should start with giving it the right name - Love Making, not Sex. You will say - what's in a name? But sometimes there is. Some words refine and define the whole experience of an act. They change the way we think. When we say 'sex,' we talk about bodily pleasure and it lacks any other emotion. But 'love making' sounds as an extension of a desire to embrace someone and love them with both your body and heart.

And, the words in the picture truly describe when and what sex should be -


Love is like a soft breeze, it soothes our soul. Love is like a warm blanket, that you can wrap around yourself. Love is tender, pure and calm. But it can be ferocious too. It can sweep you off your feet and drown you in its fervor. And so is sex, if it is not coupled with love, commitment and responsibility. 
Then, am I for or against pre-marital sex? I am against sex that lacks emotions, love, respect and commitment, and the one that is only for pleasure. 

In simple words, find true love before thinking about sex.

I met him
We love each other
True love blossoms and thrives
And sex is an expression of it

* * * * *
*To know more about the various shades of true love and sex, read - A Passionaate Gospel of True Love: A Mystical True Love Story by Poonaam Uppal

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46 comments:

  1. I loved the way you structured this post. A bit of poetry and a powerful prose. Nice read Saru.

    I thing pre-marital , post- marital sex should be an individual but informed choice. It shouldn't be thrust upon.

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  2. That is how the entire thing should ideally work and yes I too feel that this is an extremely grey area where labeling right or wrong will never work, but commitment and mutual love and understanding is the foundation of a strong and good relationship, Saru:)

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    Replies
    1. True - love, commitment and understanding should be the base.

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  3. Nice read indeed..... All the best for the contest..............

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  4. Love your thoughts, Saru; very mature. Love, not marriage, is required to validate sex - perfect line.

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  5. This was the best post I read regarding this topic. It is all about the connection I feel. If you feel a connection with someone and feelings that are genuine, mutually that is, then there is nothing wrong in sex.

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    Replies
    1. True that. Thanks for reading, Red! :)

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  6. Loved it, Saru. Sex cannot be just physical enjoyment. It has to be an act of love.

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  7. True - the problem is never about just the sex. It is about what comes before and after

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  8. I don't find acting on lust wrong, given you are mature enough to realize the afters of such act :)

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    Replies
    1. To each his own. I feel love is very important, as I said there is also an emotional baggage attached to it.

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  9. Yes, it's all about love and trust and responsibility.... well done Saru..all the best... :-)

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  10. Very thought provoking and beautifully expressed.

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  11. Nice article....very well written! I wish our society was mature to that level! Sex without love is nothing but lust and the consequences of such relation may not be positive always. But there is no 'right' or 'wrong' about premarital sex. It's always a personal choice which wrongly treated in our society and has become a taboo. we need to grow up.

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    Replies
    1. Right, as I said - I feel we can't put a label on it.

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  12. Thought provoking one, Saru! You've aptly discussed the the troika of love, marriage and sex. Very desirable perspective! But i wonder if the young people think on these lines, though!

    Wonderful quotes!

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    1. Sadly, no. And yes, I love those quotes.

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  13. you have put it in a sensible way :)

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  14. Very well written, Saru. I agree that we attach too much to the act. Ideally, it should follow love. My philosophy is that it is between two people. If they do it safely, I say by all means go ahead.

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    Replies
    1. I always attach love with sex. In fact I prefer the word 'love making' to sex.

      Thanks for reading and sharing your views.

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  15. Right said Saru. Gone are the days when a girl and a boy were dying to talk to each other. They communicated with a few glimpses each day. Talking was almost forbidden. Slowly the society accepted talking, then showing love openly, then living together before marriage and thus today's generation has difficulty to differentiate between true love and lust. The sanctity of marriage has lost its credibility and there's not much difference between the human and animal kingdom.

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    Replies
    1. Very well said! We forgot that freedom comes with responsibility and here we are talking about our own good.

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  16. Well written Saru. I think one of the basic problems is the fact that sex is perceived as some really bad thing which corrupts individuals even among quite a few people today.

    That kind of attitude needs to go. It's something very personal and should be left at the discretion of both the man and the woman.

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    Replies
    1. Right, it's a personal choice and should be left at discretion.

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  17. A different take than most of the others! Brilliantly done Saru :) All the best :)

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  18. Well written. In this patriarchal society, pre-marital sex is definitely a taboo. Yet we fear the moral policing and shun discussions on it. So long as there is love and mutual consent between the couple, others have no say!

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  19. Well thought out and written. Just a query. Do "friends with benefits" feature anywhere? Thanks and regards

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  20. All your posts are good to read. Yes, we need to find true love but most of us do not find true love till we die. We just be in some relationship and die thinking that is our destiny no matter how abusive that is. I have not been so lucky yet..

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  21. Somewhere in your replies, you mentioned, "In fact I prefer the word 'love making' to sex." I do, too :)
    Nice post, Saru :)

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  22. Totally agree with all your points. Very well written :)

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