badge

Recent Articles

Monday, April 16, 2012

Just A Story



Window dressing, coming from commerce background you have access to all these fancy words. Often I ask Rohan about the fancy words techies have access to. He says, they have access to almost everything. True, very true, I say, however that comes with sympathy for all the other professions including my own. To tell you, I have done my MBA (Finance). Rohan, my husband, is a Software Engineer with MBA from a top B-School. We were neighbors and I married him when I was 6. Wondering, we were playing with my doll house and he said a boy and girl can sleep together only when they are married. And the next thing I did was to propose him, officially. I saw that on TV last evening. I went down on my knees in my purple frock with white ribbons. He said YES and we got permission to sleep together. But we did that after 20 years. It’s a long time to open up. Well, these 20 years is my story. Story of growth as a person and of course as a wife.

Chapter 1

Day 2 of my marriage

I am using ‘my’ as Rohan slept over the marriage episode that very night. (Thank God, he forgot, second day of marriage is very difficult which I will tell you later.) We were having summer vacations and unlike a newly wedded, I was playing hide and seek with boys. Rohan went to Ludhiana with his parents.

Did I miss him?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do I miss him?

The answer to this question whether asked 23 years ago or now is YES.

He is onsite working on some project. We never thought he would go anywhere without me. But things have changed. He is in Boston, I am in Chandigarh.

I am going for 3 months. If you want you can call someone for company’ he said.

I can manage. I know this city very well. Don’t worry, I will manage’.

He didn’t ask me once if I was interested in going with him. Infact there was no need to ask, the answer was obvious.

YES

My married life is becoming emotionally unstable. We marry to live together and to have kids. In our marriage the second part is becoming more prominent. It’s not that we were never happy. We were very happy few months back.


*This is the beginning of one of the stories I am writing. Please give your honest feedback.

Pin It Now!

76 comments:

  1. Okay, interesting so far. I am not sure which way it will go from here, but you have my interest.

    http://rachnaparmar.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. A good start and sounds nice. childhood love- we've all had that. But to be lucky enough for it to mature into a bond for life, they needs to be really made for each other.
    Are you planning to blog it or publish a book? All the best. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Awesome, Saru nice start, eagerly waiting for next part . . .
    And you just gave me a idea, I too will now post my stories by parts. So, thanks for the idea too . . .
    Keep writing . . .
    & Post fast . . .

    ReplyDelete
  4. Fine start, as long as you have the complete graph mapped out....will keep track:)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am slightly confused, but will keep the questions for the next post. Totally hooked, awaiting for more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. me too...am confused!!!

      will wait for more to come before i give an honest reply to the post...

      Delete
  6. Interesting and intriguing for me. I'd also like if Saru mixes her real magic, which she stitches here, into your stories and make it different and novel. :D

    ReplyDelete
  7. Great start...Awaiting next part:)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Interesting start Saru. I have a few questions, little confused about that so I wouldn't be able to give a honest feedback until I read the next chapter/post. But definitely excited to read them for sure. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. This is coming up well. Often a drift is created between two people. I'm looking forward to more :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Nice Start, eagerly waiting for next part.. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Very much resembles our story . Me and my wife were school buddies, did entire schooling together .It would be a great read... We marry to live together is some much my wife mantra too ......

    ReplyDelete
  12. A nice beginning, Saru! Await the next :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Good start... Hope to read the full story soon..

    ReplyDelete
  14. Saru, I get a glimpse of Chetan Bhagat in the prelude to your story...

    ReplyDelete
  15. Well the city chandigarh got me hooked straight away MY CITY :)

    A beautiful start and Loved reading it so continue pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ...

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
  16. It's too early to say about the story but there definitely is one thing I would like to tell you, the way you end a chapter, shows much about how your book will be...
    And as far as the one you wrote, the comments are enough to tell you that people are waiting for more...
    So there it is.. A great beginning...now i desperately wait for the next part...

    All the best...may you be the next Indian International Bestseller!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Interesting concept but bit confused with chapter 1..To give honest feedback will wait for the next chapter.. :D

    ReplyDelete
  18. Okay now that is surely building up curiosity... What next??:)

    ReplyDelete
  19. detail it out, focus is getting skewed on the narrative than the story, let the story find its own narrative

    ReplyDelete
  20. I am liking the concept. Go on....it has been interesting so far..i am sure if u treat it well it will be a good read :) all the best

    ReplyDelete
  21. Saru.. what a start. This is completely different and unique from any story I have read so far. I really like the way you transition with time. It is an aspect of story writing that is difficult but you have started doing it already. To me, it means that you have got the story well wrapped up in your head. Also you are doing a first person story telling which is again a tough thing to do. It has started out very well. Am so looking forward to your next part. :) Can give more feedback as the story unfolds.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hi Saru, Reading a story from your blog is as enlightening as reading your poems. The start is nice, and not like every other story you come across. And I guess i'lll be able to give you a complete feedback only after I read a few more updates. But the way You have started is great :-) I can vouch for that. Looking forward to reading the series :-)

    ReplyDelete
  23. OMG, I thought I was reading about your marriage. This should tell you that your writing is very realistic. I want to read more of this story. Do continue...

    ReplyDelete
  24. Kind a interesting.......May be some twists and turns will do the rest!!!! Carry on

    ReplyDelete
  25. Wow. I hope this story gets told in full. Captivating stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Please continue, wud like to read more.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Ok, I am confused. But more than that I am not finding a hook to want to read into the next para. I read through all the paras because I kind of trust you as an author--so told myself, there will be something the next para or perhaps after that. But we need an anchor, Saru and sharper words and phrases. I am saying this because you wanted an honest feedback and becoz I consider you as a good writer and more importantly-- a deep thinker!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Interesting beginning.... Keep weaving the words together... eager to see where does it lead to...

    ReplyDelete
  29. I am really not clear what the gist was of this first part. Why are they having troubles? May be it will become clearer in the second part.
    Don't keep us waiting for long :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. I so loved the concept. It's great when a childhood friend becomes your husband :) And, the narration - The 1st para was very very cute..three cheers to it :):)
    But a proper link wasn't established between the initial para and the following story. Frankly, it was a bit vague at the first read. As I read once again I could understand the story. The last line 'we were very happy few months back' - this hooks you to the story.
    It's nice you kept the story conversational. My best wishes for the next part. :):)

    ReplyDelete
  31. ...sounds interesting Saru, with your magical words it's bound to be a gala success! You'll be a celebrity! ...but please don't forget the fans like me:) All the best:)

    ReplyDelete
  32. A very very intersting start!
    I hope the story will have something that is not already known to the techie couples , who have accepted living separately, becuase that can tell them really how to cope up with the trauma.
    To all other couples, who are forced to stay separately, and there are mayn more than techies, and quite a few of these can hardly be in contact too, also this may be a solution to help in the pains.

    ReplyDelete
  33. interesting sart---go ahead --everyone;s waiting

    ReplyDelete
  34. Looks promising. :) Ready for the next part.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Go right ahead... this promises to be interesting !

    ReplyDelete
  36. i read the opening para the twice to understand what was going on and then read the story and went back and read the first para again. it was not immediately clear. good you kept the beginning of the story short for this post. since its a marriage story i am already interested :))

    ReplyDelete
  37. it's a good start, but i am a little confused. Will see how it pans out.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I liked this sleek preview of your story, Saruji;waiting to catch up with following post soon;-)

    ReplyDelete
  39. Interesting enough start to keep us hooked and waiting for the rest! So I got to hand it to you! Looking forward to the remaining!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Sounds interesting!!! Eager to read the next part..

    ReplyDelete
  41. When are you putting up the next part? Eager to read more of it!

    ReplyDelete
  42. i'm in the wait queue as well. please keep posting, intriguing :)

    ReplyDelete
  43. a story involving marriage and its intrcacies is always interesting. You have managed to make it even more interesting.

    First part sounds sad where in it involves unhappy times staying apart from each other and the fact that the love & affection is diminishing for obvious reasons. Well, interested to read further.

    ReplyDelete
  44. @ Saru,
    Skip the epilogue.
    Begin the story straightaway. Write it as a diary.(You can use flashback later as earlier diary pages or you can write reminisces of childhood).
    Interesting Theme - all the best.
    Regards
    Vikram

    ReplyDelete
  45. No doubt story is good....but I dont know why I read it five or six time. Well I dont have much idea about story formation but I somehow agree with Sujatha and Harsha.

    I am waiting for the next one...

    Cheers!!

    ReplyDelete
  46. Very different from the run-of-the-mill ones. Long way to go girl.. cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  47. Nice one
    http://www.freedomofexpression-rahul.blogspot.in/

    ReplyDelete
  48. Saru,

    have some contra views (in fact many).
    would like to ask few questions before any comment.


    cheers,
    Mukesh

    ReplyDelete
  49. Interesting..I will follow this one, as my own story..me and my wife is pretty much like this. In terms of feedback you could probably make it a bit longer than this, maybe 2 more paragraphs.

    ReplyDelete
  50. The intro kept me hooked, have no clue where this is going, which is good :) So, looking forward to the rest!!

    ReplyDelete
  51. Well, to begin with, the way you have introduced the characters is quite interesting. Not telling a lot about who the two people are, makes it easy for a reader to understand the characters the way they want them to be in life. Also, you have a surprisingly well balanced way of using the flashback and taking the story forward at the same time. Reminds me of a Movie I saw a few months ago, but won't write it's name just now.
    Suggestion: Don't change the way you are writing, you are doing just fine...

    P.S. eagerly waiting for the next part...
    Naren

    ReplyDelete
  52. good start...and i think i am curious to read the rest

    ReplyDelete
  53. It appears taken control of the situation.
    Habituated! to read your posts particularly
    without 'memory' power..
    Of-late on 2nd visit left my footprint.
    Carry on & succeed..

    ReplyDelete
  54. First of all, it's just a beginning, and I'd like to see which way it goes before making a serious comment. Secondly, it's much more nearly a piece of autobiography than a story, don't you think? Thirdly - but this could be only my personal opinion - even within such a short span the mood takes a sudden abrupt turn, from almost feisty to sombre and lonely: why? I mean, both of you are mature people, and surely if your husband made a move, that ought to have been a joint decision, something that doesn't leave you unhappy? I won't venture beyond this, since it's a highly personal issue, but maybe we could talk a little more privately? I am taking the liberty only because I have seen you 'voting' for my blogposts more than once. My email i.d. is suvro.chatterjee@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  55. hi, its nice start.. hoping that u will come up with best series.. Good Luck :)

    ReplyDelete
  56. Congratulations Saru !

    You've been Tagged.

    Please follow the link below to know about the tag more:
    http://rahul-aggarwal.blogspot.in/2012/04/ta-ta-tagged.html

    ReplyDelete
  57. From poems to a Personal story Saru.. Will be checking for the updates :)

    ReplyDelete
  58. It is good...and became captivating after four five lines of the beginning.......i think next would be some happy past moments and then the reality...but reading the starting of the story i felt it is something else like related to some other non-romantic or relatinship stuff

    looking out for the next part...

    ReplyDelete
  59. He is an MBA from reputed B_ school ,, fir to aage ki stories bhi interesting hongi..

    ReplyDelete
  60. Fingers crossed, I'd want to read more before commenting :)

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

    ReplyDelete
  61. @Everyone - This is the beginning of the unfinished Novel I wrote 8 years back. I wanted to share it with the readers to get an honest feedback on my style of writing. I thank everyone for reading it and for your feedback which is very helpful in refining my work.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Nice beginning Saru.. Its interesting!! You wrote this 8 years back and published now? Hmmm.. I can't wait for a day after drafting my post.. hehehee :)
    Pls post chapter 2.. I wanna know what's next! :)

    ReplyDelete
  63. @Everyone - Though I wish to complete this novel and get it published but I think it will take few years. I want to establish myself as a poet first. Again, thanks a ton for your wishes and feedback.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Everything has a happy ending....if you are not happy it's not the end! Trust me everything is gonna go well in the end...
    i personally wish all goes well in ur life....n also wish i get lucky like you to get married to my school fren...

    ReplyDelete
  65. very good to know that you are writing a story Saru :) keep writing. I think this one relates to real life well. An advise from my side is to use some more complex words :P :) nice one !
    keep on writing.

    ReplyDelete

This blog breathes on your comments!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...